Allergic to Bullying
When H was first diagnosed with egg allergy, the last thing on my mind was that he could be bullied for it. Why would someone make fun of him for not being able to eat a breakfast burrito or for having to eat an egg-free cupcake? That seems ridiculous (I mean, really, all bullying seems ridiculous). I definitely didn’t consider the possibility another child might intentionally expose him to eggs. I was surprised when I learned how many children with food allergies do experience food-related bullying, especially as they get into their adolescent and teen years.
Food Allergy Bullying Isn’t a Rare Occurrence
According to FARE (Food Allergy Research and Education), around 1/3 of children with food allergies report being bullied because of it, and research supports that this occurrence is consistent across many countries. In some cases, the bullying is restricted to words and verbal teasing; however, children also share experiences of others intentionally taunting and/or touching them with their allergen. Think things like, intentionally spilling milk near a child with dairy allergy, pretending to wipe peanut butter on a child’s arm, or making fun of a child who can’t enjoy the fun, decorated donuts. Not only can the child not enjoy the treat, but sometimes they’re separated at a different table depending on the severity of their allergy. As kids get older, there are even reports of kids intentionally giving the allergic child a food containing their allergen and telling them it’s safe.
“Every three minutes, a food allergy reaction sends someone to the emergency room.”
- FARE (Food Allergy Research and Education)
A single cookie crumb, peanut dust, or skin contact with dairy could all be the trigger for a potentially fatal reaction in those with anaphylaxis – this includes things like vomiting, difficulty breathing, rashes, and, as mentioned, even death – so this type of bullying is extremely dangerous. Reactions are not always immediately visible, which can lead kids (and sometimes adults) to believe that the allergy doesn’t exist or that avoiding it is not that important. Even when symptoms are seemingly “mild”, they can impact an individual’s whole life. Think a rash, for example. Depending on where it is, most people may not even see it, however rash triggered by an allergen may prevent sleep, cause itchiness and discomfort (which can impact concentration at work or school), or reduce appetite, and long-term, this can worsen mental health - depression and anxiety - and overall quality of life.
Quality-of Life Scores in Food Allergy
Health-related quality-of -life is often measured with questionnaires that ask kids or adults how different areas of their life are impacted or limited by a certain condition. Those dealing with food allergies, on average, have lower health-related quality-of-life scores than those not dealing with food allergies. Of note, this is a somewhat common association for many chronic health conditions in both children and adults. When it comes to parents, the more symptoms their children experience the greater the decrease in quality-of-life scores. Asthma and breathing difficulty, in particular, seem to have a common relationship with lower quality-of-life. For children, more severe reactions are indicators of reduced quality-of-life, and the association appears stronger among school-aged children (approximately ages 6-12) compared to those 5 and under.
Low health-related quality-of-life scores doesn’t mean that everyone who’s allergic to peanuts or eggs is walking around sad and unhappy all the time. What it does mean is that those children and teens (and their families) have extra considerations, and often extra anxiety.
Was the last kid in this bus seat eating peanut butter?
Are the foods being served at the basketball game safe?
Is there something safe for me to eat at the restaurant my friends want to go to?
Can I safely eat at my friend’s house, or do I need to worry about cross-contamination?
Who has the Epi pen, and does someone here know how to use it (and when)?
Where is the closest hospital in case of reaction?
Weighing the risk of attending anything – fairs, sporting events, birthday parties, holiday gatherings, every outing requires extra decision-making
The list of questions is different for every family, depending on the allergen, the likelihood of exposure, or severity of the reaction, but this exhausting process happens for every outing. It’s all of this “being different” that often leads to bullying by other kids.
Shoutout to the Other Moms at Our Daycare!
Our kiddos are still pretty little, so (fortunately) neither has experienced any bullying that we’re aware of. Kids in H’s class often have questions about why he can’t have certain things, which is great! If children learn about the allergies in these early years, hopefully they’ll continue to support him as they grow up together. Education is the foundation to understanding.
We’ve also been blessed with a wonderful group of parents in H’s classroom. Several of the moms who are aware of H’s allergy have reached out to me asking about treats that are safe. Some who were unaware of the allergy have apologized (which is totally not necessary!) after they realized he couldn’t join the other kids. One of the mom’s even let me know that H asked her if the treats had eggs when she was handing them out (proud mom moment! 👏)! As an allergy family, we certainly don’t expect people to rearrange their plans or their lives to accommodate us, but the thoughtfulness of including our kiddo is genuinely meaningful. We are grateful to have those people in our lives!
What Can You Do to Reduce Bullying Risk and Empower Kids with Food Allergies?
If Your Child Has a Food Allergy
Share a book with your child’s class. You may even consider going into to read with them. There are many good options, and you may choose to go with one that is specific to the allergen(s) your family deals with. Here’s a few to consider (no affiliates, just great books!):
Keep it Positive. Allergies definitely come with limitations but try to shift the focus away from what your kiddos are missing to what is still allowed and safe (and fun!). It can be hard to find a healthy balance between protecting and empowering our kids, but if you can, reframe the conversation:
It can sometimes feel like we’re constantly saying “no” because of unsafe foods or environments.
Find an allergy safe restaurant or treat shop. We like to stop by our favorite vegan donut shop (Glam Doll Donuts)
Make games out of exchanging allergen-containing candy at Halloween or after birthday parties
Have allergy-friendly treats on-hand (store-bought options or homemade treats in the freezer) that can be topped with favorite colors or other decorations.
Advocate and Educate. Whether it’s a friend or relative, teacher, doctor, or anyone else in your family’s life, help them understand the importance of avoiding an allergen with your child.
Share information and resources and invite them to join any online support groups with you, if appropriate.
Be firm and remember that your child’s allergy is not an inconvenience or a flaw. You are their best spokesperson.
It’s ok to feel disappointed. Those feelings shouldn’t be ignored – for parents or children! Grieve and process the loss, and then find an exciting alternative if possible.
If Your Child Has a Classmate With an Allergy
Consider reading a book with your child. Any of the options listed above may work, depending on their age.
Reach out. If you know the child or their parents, reach out if you have questions! They’d usually be happy to explain the allergen and help you find safe treats if you’re interested.
Consider allergen-free treats. Most families don’t expect you do change your plans for their child, but if you are aware of the allergy and want to help a child feel included, there are lots of choices! Most schools require store-bought items, here are a few possibilities:
Fruit, fruit leather, fruit snacks, and applesauce are usually allergen-free
Popcorn (be cautious with added flavors)
“Partake” cookies
“Enjoy Life” Cookies
Gluten-Free Oreos (free from all major allergens, except soy)
Cotton Candy
If You’re a Teacher or Daycare Provider
You probably landed in this profession because you enjoy kids and care about their well-being! There are lots of resources for you.
Take all food allergies seriously. Have a protocol in place for how the allergy is communicated among all staff that may be working with the child(ren).
Communicate with the parent. If you know someone is bringing in treats, let parents know so they can provide an alternative, if appropriate. Our daycare teachers have been great about this!
Consider having a book on food allergy in your classroom. This can especially help if the child is eating different foods, sitting at a different table, or excluded from certain activities.
Make the “allergy table” normal. The allergy table should, of course, be labeled, but avoid making it feel like a punishment. Whenever possible (and safe), allow children to have their friends with them so they don’t feel isolated.
Consider how food plays into your lesson plan. Teachers and daycare providers are some of the most creative people I’ve ever met! If you’re doing an activity that includes food, consider if it is safe for the child with food allergies. Some classrooms have done activities where children bring in a food that starts with a certain letter, for example. This could put the child (and the parent) in a difficult situation that requires them to weigh the risk of exposure.
4th of July Party
H was sitting separately from his friends, decorating a graham cracker while the others decorated cookies. If you’re a teacher, don’t hesitate to reach out to parents before food-related activities to ask how they’d prefer to handle the activity! Communication is key ❤️
If You’re a Friend or Relative of a Food Allergy Family
Take the child’s allergy seriously. If you haven’t seen what you consider a reaction, that doesn’t mean they don’t need to avoid the allergen. If you have children who hear you questioning the legitimacy of the allergen, they will do the same.
If you’re able, consider food allergens at gatherings. Most families will not expect a whole gathering to be allergen-free, but if there is an alternative, consider using it for your recipe. If you know someone has an allergy, examples of simple alternatives or adjustments may be things like:
Vegan mayo instead of egg-containing
Dairy alternative milk in a recipe
Dressing or cheese on the side of a salad instead of mixed in
SunButter instead of peanut butter
Just be Supportive!
Parenting can be challenging no matter what you’re dealing with! As you would (should) with any other health conditions (physical, mental, or emotional), be supportive of food allergy families. Don’t minimize or invalidate their fears or concerns and be patient with their questions. Avoid telling a parent their overreacting or being too strict. I guarantee, in most cases, they’d prefer to not have to make these considerations. If you’re a food allergy parent who is doing well, consider supporting others in online groups or within your community! The number of food allergy diagnoses is on the rise, so normalizing it and creating a positive food environment in our schools, extracurricular activities, and communities can keep kids safe and, ideally, reduce the prevalence of food allergy bullying.
Check out these articles and websites for more information on the topic:1. Psychosocial Impact of Food Allergies. FoodAllergy.org. https://www.foodallergy.org/resources/psychosocial-impact-food-allergies. Published 2022. Accessed July 14, 2022. 2. Fong AT, Katelaris CH, Wainstein B. Bullying and quality of life in children and adolescents with food allergy. J Paediatr Child Health. 2017;53(7):630-635. doi:10.1111/jpc.135703. Hwang TY, Kim SK, Kim SH, Kim M. A cross sectional survey on health-related quality of life among parents of children with allergic symptoms using the EQ-5D-5L. J Asthma. 2019;56(11):1239-1245. doi:10.1080/02770903.2019.15710864. Thörnqvist V, Middelveld R, Wai HM, et al. Health-related quality of life worsens by school age amongst children with food allergy. Clin Transl Allergy. 2019;9:10. Published 2019 Feb 7. doi:10.1186/s13601-019-0244-0
